Have you heard the buzz about the New York Times game, Connections? Are you a slave to solving this daily puzzle, sometimes as soon as it’s available after midnight? (Not that I would know anyone like that! 😉)
For a while, we had Wordle—the puzzle that took millions of us captive for a few minutes each day until we uncovered that 5-letter word. Now, in a puzzle that takes me anywhere from five minutes to all day to solve, we play Connections, the NYT’s second most popular daily game (after Wordle, of course). This game has us puzzling over 16 words that fit into four neat (or not-so-neat) categories. I love the challenge, the mental energy boost, and the competition (with my sisters, husband, and sometimes kids).
The puzzle is challenging because the connections can go many ways. It maximizes words with multiple meanings and associations (who knew there could be so many?), like Kansas, a U.S. state and an 80s rock band; Montana, a U.S. state or the last name of a famous Tony or football player; parrot, a bird, to mimic something, or a character in the movie Aladdin. You get the idea.
Your job as the puzzle solver is to find a connection for each word in the puzzle, and in doing so, eliminate the meanings or associations that you don’t need. Sometimes they jump out at me and I’m finished in five minutes. Other days, I stare at it with no clue, turn it off, and come back to it (usually multiple times) before solving it. And some days I just give up. 🤷♀️
As I was brainstorming topics for this week’s post, a couple of recent articles I read on how we interact with others, inspired me. I was reflecting on how people connect, and my brain—as brains do—connected “connecting” with Connections. See what I did there? Our minds love to make connections!
As humans, we were created to connect with each other. Still, being made for something doesn’t make it easy. Perhaps looking at how we play this daily game can help us in our daily interactions with others.
Connections take time and intentionality.
The more difficult the daily Connections puzzle, the longer it can take. And even on the easier days, it takes a little time and effort. This is true of our social connections as well.
Being together requires intentionality. One of the articles that inspired me this week was by Kelly Flanagan, who pointed out that many of our entertainment activities have become asynchronous in the past 15 years. We used to watch “our shows” on TV on the same night and would chat about them the next day at work. We listened on the radio to the same songs and talk shows as our partners or families. Now—with streaming services, smartphones, and headphones—we get our shows, movies, music, and podcasts on our time, plugged into our ears, and often alone.
But our need for fellowship still exists. If you’re missing out on “synchronized,” face-to-face people time, try reaching out, making plans, or joining a group. Here are a few suggestions, but the possibilities are endless!
coffee dates
dinners out, or at home around the table (no phones)
in-person or online book clubs
church small groups
knitting or quilting groups
Bible studies
card or board game nights
concerts or theater events
movies at the theater
hiking, biking, kayaking, or any other outdoor activity
And for long distance “togetherness” (this is a little harder):
Facetime or Zoom group chats
synchronized show-watching, while texting (my daughters and I recently did this as we are nearing the end of the final season of Gilmore Girls—something we started when they were home during the pandemic)
Any shared experience allows for connection. But in our current online, streaming, smartphone age, we’ve got to take the time and make the effort.
Connecting requires flexibility.
When puzzling over Connections, if my mind fixates on “pie” as something to eat and nothing else, I’ll have trouble realizing it’s also a homophone for the Greek letter “Pi”. (Btw, happy belated Pi day to all my math-minded friends!) Likewise, realizing that a “baguette” can mean more than a loaf of bread increases my chances of solving the puzzle that day. In the same way, having flexible thinking in our social connections is crucial to healthy relationships.
When we base our interactions with others on first impressions, assumptions, or biases, it’s like thinking there’s only one “pie”. Unless we get to know a person through questioning, conversation, and active listening, we’ll never know their story.
We can start by educating ourselves through books, movies, or podcasts on the history, culture, or stories of others who might differ from ourselves (e.g. disabled, deaf, autistic, younger/older, LGBTQ, Indigenous person, refugee, Black, Muslim, Asian, etc.).
Beyond the generalities, getting to know individuals within those “categories” will help us discover their unique humanness. Just like “baguette” and “princess” have something in common (i.e. both diamond cuts), you may be surprised to find more similarities than differences between yourself and those you’ve always classified as “different” or “other.”
Find what unifies. Release what doesn’t.
In solving Connections, you’ve got to move beyond your first instincts. Finding four groups of four that fit “neatly” together requires you to search for the unifying elements, and forces you to let go of those definitions and preconceptions that don’t fit. This is the most important strategy for solving the puzzle, and in today’s social and political climate, it’s also crucial in connecting with others.
We live in a cancel culture that invalidates others—not just their ideas—when they don’t believe as we do. I’ve personally felt canceled by someone who used to be very close to me, and it hurts. I know I’ve also canceled others—at least temporarily—by ignoring or dismissing what they have to say when I know “where they’re coming from.” Social media doesn’t help with its echo-chamber algorithms that promote only our views.
But what if we could set our differences aside and focus on what unifies us instead? Scott Sauls (Christian leader, author, and former pastor) recently shared Jesus’s Left and Right Wing Disciples here on Substack. He convinced me that as Christians, we can and should do better. (It’s a great article, so please read it if you have a minute!)
Sauls reminds us that although God created, and is in favor of government, he does not align with any political party. I’d add that neither does he espouse our religious agendas or doctrinal camps. Instead, God wants his people to set aside their differences and be unified in their love for Christ, with a purpose that goes beyond their separate agendas and platforms. Sharing Christ’s love, grace, and forgiveness with others can only happen when we are connected first to him, and then with others.
In some relationships, as in word puzzles, connections come easily. Others will challenge us. They’ll make us flex our thinking and step out of our comfort zones. We might need to let go of definitions that hold us back, for the sake of the relationship.
But like any puzzle, if we spend enough time and effort on the challenge, eventually we might figure it out.
What’s one thing you might do this week to make or strengthen a connection with someone? (Also, do you play Connections?)
Love the game — and your musings about it and real human connection.
I love this, Linda, and thanks for the shout-out!