Written by Tom & Linda Hanstra. Delivered by Tom at his mother’s funeral on April 15, 2025.
Mom was pretty lonely after Dad died ten years ago, so after a while, we started a routine of calling her every Sunday evening at 8:00. She was usually sitting by the phone, waiting for that call. She loved it when her kids or grandkids would give her a call or come for a visit. We’d talk about our lives and our kids’ lives, and could always hear the excitement in her voice for anything good we reported.
“Yup, yup, yup,”
“Good, good, good!”
or on very special occasions, “Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!”
Mom liked to say things in threes. But I’m going to raise her one because there are FOUR things I want to cover that were very important to her: Fun, Friends, Family, and Faith.
For us, the FUN started early with numerous family camping trips, road trips and trips to Kalamazoo to see Grandpa and Grandma. Loaded into the oh-so-70’s faux-wood-paneled station wagon (where I made sure to sit in the “way back”), we always seemed to be going on a great adventure.
And, boy, did she love April first! From slips of paper in our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to little notes in an empty, taped up, or rock-filled raisin box, the words “April Fools!” came to be something we both dreaded and looked forward to each year.
A bit further along, mom’s fun focused more on the next generation. The kids might remember Grandma’s “silly button.” It was the little mole on her cheek that, when they pressed, would cause her to wiggle and jiggle and make silly sounds, often while they bounced in her arms. She made our little ones laugh until their sides hurt.
And if fun goes with sweets, there was no shortage of fun at Mom’s house. She had a very sweet tooth. Whether it was donuts from Mary Lou’s, Pop Tarts and Little Debbies from the cupboard, or candy from her candy jar, she enjoyed her sugar. And she shared it generously with all. (As parents, we sometimes wished she had shared a little less of it with our kids!)
There were many running jokes and funny stories in the family. One of the most long-standing ones was the time we came home from the Thanksgiving church service to find smoke billowing from the oven and the turkey on fire. Mom was upset about that turkey (especially after Dan used the fire extinguisher on it so we couldn’t try to eat it…Mom was Dutch, after all), but she laughed along with us for years after.
Second on my list is how important FRIENDSHIP was to her. She and dad were part of a sub-group of the church aptly named the “Coffee Bunch”. They had so many good times together, both with and without us kids in tow. We spent many Memorial Days camping out at the Dahnke property and many New Year’s Eves with babysitters while the parents all partied away at one of their houses.
Mom also loved to host our friends. Her care for others went over and above and the door was always open with invitations to dinner for Dan’s buddies, Beth’s roommates, and numerous members of the Christian Reformed Fellowship at Purdue while we were there. Our friends could count on getting a great meal but also the warmth of her hospitality. I don’t know how she managed to make so much food in that little kitchen we had, but she would often have enough to send everyone home with leftovers.
Mom had neighbor-friends, donut-shop friends, work friends, and church friends. She also always had furry friends, and they were almost as important as her people-friends. Their dog Homer and most recently her cat Lucy were treated like royalty in her home. And she always had treats available for the neighborhood dogs as they would walk by.
If you were lucky enough to be one of Mom’s friends, you were lucky enough. But how blessed we were to be her FAMILY. She loved her family more than anything. She showed her love in countless ways, but a few that come to mind are treats at Frozen Custard, Saturday morning breakfasts—years ago at the 5th Street Coney; in more recent years at Christos (where she seemed to know every waitress’s name). Sunday family dinners, and Saturday night pizza from Arni’s (she knew it was my favorite so she’d order extra so I could take home some leftovers). She never missed sending birthday, anniversary, and holiday cards. The kids looked forward to the $5 she’d tuck into their Valentine’s card (something she insisted on getting done just a couple of months ago).
But more than the food and gifts we received, we were blessed by the love she was never afraid to express. She gave and gave and rarely asked for anything in return. Whenever we made that Sunday night call, she’d ask about the kids—their jobs, their love lives, any joys or struggles she knew they were experiencing—and then she’d remind us she was always praying for us and them.
And that brings me to her FAITH. More important to her than fun, friends, or family, was Mom’s love for Jesus, and she wasn’t afraid to share that love with others. She served here in this church, taking on the role of deacon, but also as a leader in the Friendship Group. She gave those with special needs her time and attention, often going above and beyond the usual leader duties. And she maintained real friendships long after her stint as “leader” was done, with regular phone calls even in these last few months.
After Dad died, Mom expressed how much she longed to go to heaven to see him. Still, we know she stuck around for us for these past ten years. Finally, her aging body and the limitations it placed on her took their toll. And even though she always gave and gave for us, she often said she never wanted to be a burden on her family. We never considered caring for her a burden, but she made her exit from this earth shortly after her needs placed extra demands on us. As usual, Mom always took care of us first.
We’re thankful she is no longer limited and her pain and headaches are gone. We imagine her walking and dancing and gardening in heaven alongside Dad and her other loved ones. Mom had a phrase she repeated often, that we’re sure she’s saying today: God is good.
Mom, we’re going to miss you. Your fun, friendship, love for your family, and faith in God. We love you. And that bears repeating. Love you, love you, love you.
As you’d often end those Sunday evening phone calls, for one final time we’ll say, “Love you, bye.”